wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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