Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
