I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize