some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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