She announced her abortion via fbk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
