So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
