Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
