pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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