I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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