Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
