The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize