I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
