The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
