i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
