Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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