i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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