OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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