I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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