and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
