Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we should paint friendship bongs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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