Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
