Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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