There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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