It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
