We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
