oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
