i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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