You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
