direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
