An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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