She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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