i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
