just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
