I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
