your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
