before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
