You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Terrible idea I love it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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