dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
