You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
