Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
