There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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