it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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