Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
