The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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