Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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