My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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