he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
