Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
