Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
