I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
