You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize