Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
