I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
