I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize