They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
where does the pee come out of this thing
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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