someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
