My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
