Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize