The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
