Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
