I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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