My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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