omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
