with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
