Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
