What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
