Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize