every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How external is "for external use only"?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
