hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
