i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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