Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sext me about skeletons
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
