Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
